Stuck in the "Friend Zone"
One of my guilty pleasures is watching cheesy teen movies, usually starring Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan or Freddie Prinze Jr. Watching hour-and-a-half movies that always have a happy ending always puts me in a good mood and allows me ample time to fantasize about the ideal boy (Shane West). Sunday night my indulgence of choice was "Just Friends." The title pretty much says it all, but for those who haven't seen it (and I'm pretty sure that's most of you), here's a brief synopsis.
Chris, an overweight dweeb, (Ryan Reynolds) has been in love with Jamie, Ms. Popular, (Amy Smart) since high school. Unfortunately, he is stuck in what he calls "the friend zone" -- a horrible place where Jamie thinks of him only in platonic terms. Before graduation, Chris writes in Jamie's yearbook that he wants to be her boyfriend, only to learn that she loves him too but only as a brother. Ten years later Chris comes back home with a fancy job and hot new body and tries to successfully win Jamie's heart while escaping the friend zone.
In the end, Chris gets the girl, but I know that's not always the case. In the past, I've been stuck in the friend zone myself, and it did not turn out nearly as good for me as it did for Chris. Crossing that line between being friends and more than just friends can be a tricky situation. You always run the risk that the other person does not like you back, and there's the potential to ruin the friendship forever.
Have any of you been in the friend zone? Is it really possible to get out of the friend zone once you're there? If you like your friend, should you tell him/her? What happens once friends get in a relationship? Does it work out?
Chris, an overweight dweeb, (Ryan Reynolds) has been in love with Jamie, Ms. Popular, (Amy Smart) since high school. Unfortunately, he is stuck in what he calls "the friend zone" -- a horrible place where Jamie thinks of him only in platonic terms. Before graduation, Chris writes in Jamie's yearbook that he wants to be her boyfriend, only to learn that she loves him too but only as a brother. Ten years later Chris comes back home with a fancy job and hot new body and tries to successfully win Jamie's heart while escaping the friend zone.
In the end, Chris gets the girl, but I know that's not always the case. In the past, I've been stuck in the friend zone myself, and it did not turn out nearly as good for me as it did for Chris. Crossing that line between being friends and more than just friends can be a tricky situation. You always run the risk that the other person does not like you back, and there's the potential to ruin the friendship forever.
Have any of you been in the friend zone? Is it really possible to get out of the friend zone once you're there? If you like your friend, should you tell him/her? What happens once friends get in a relationship? Does it work out?
posted by Anonymous at 11:44 PM
5 Comments:
I was once an overweight dweeb and my name is still Chris. Though I never became a Ryan Reynolds, I have embraced my inner Burt Reynolds and am better for it. The Friends Zone lasted long enough for my dream girl to skip town and disappear so, my ending has yet to be written.
My question, ladies, is what do I do now?
Since your dream girl has seemed to disappear, it's probably best that you put her behind you and move on. Confidence in yourself(but not cockiness or arrogance) will attract women, and don't be afraid to ask a new girl out.
When I think of "the one that got away," I tell myself this: If it was truly meant to be, then our paths will cross again. And if it wasn't meant to be, well, it was fun while it lasted.
Good luck Mr Chris!
I have a guy friend whom I have known for 19 years. We became best friends, and I fell in love with him. We crossed the friend line, but did not date. We hooked up for about four years. Even dated other people and would still hook up. I just knew we were going to end up together. He ended up getting engaged to someone I didn't know about until he told me on my answering machine he was engaged. They got married in 2003. Even after the marriage, he tried to hook up with me. Now we live in different cities, and he still wants to maintain a friendship. He is a good friend, but I am still trying to get over the way he handled it. What to do? Cut him loose or try to get back to some kind of frienship?
Anon —
I, too, had a friend that I crossed the line with. We never dated, but one very awful night, we hooked up. He had been my best friend, and the first friend I ever had in college, but it was all ruined that night. We both got weirded out, and our friendship ended. I learned a HUGE lesson from that.
However, with your guy, it seems that he may want a friendship, but he also wants another booty call, besides his wife. In that case, I don't think you can ever get back to where you were with him before you started hooking up. I think a call or e-mail every now and then would be okay, but he didn't respect you the way a friend should be respected.
Plus, holding on to him closely only keeps the bad memories of what went down around. You'll be doing yourself a favor if you keep your distance from him.
I agree with Roxy. Since you are still trying to get over the way he handled you guys hooking up, talking to him on a regular basis will probably only make you hurt more. Imagine him telling you all sorts of things about his life now that you probably don't want to hear.
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