The unspoken rule
It's an unspoken rule between women and girls alike. You don't go for a guy that has a girlfriend or wife. You just don't do it.
And you especially don't do it if the man you have your eyes on is currently or was previously with one of your friends.
That is the ultimate betrayal.
So, imagine my horror on Saturday night as I sat listening to a friend of my boyfriend, who is on her way moving from Utah to Florida, telling me about how her best friend since high school, or for 15 years, swooped in and stole her ex-husband right as they were about to get back together. It was horrifying.
To make matters worse, the friend was in Korea on duty for the Air Force at the time, and her ex-husband had finally convinced her to give the relationship another shot. A week later, he was confessing that he had visited the other girl, hooked up with her, and decided he wanted to be in a relationship with her instead.
And the whole time, the other woman said nothing to her supposed best friend. No e-mails, no letters.
This isn't the first time I have heard this story. One of my best friends from college had the same thing happen to her. While she was study abroad, her "confidant" started dating her ex-boyfriend, and then was shocked when my friend wouldn't talk to her.
Obviously, the men aren't exactly innocent, but what makes a woman go after a friend's current BF or an ex? What's the appeal to having a relationship with someone that may or may not last, at the price of a friendship that has been more meaningful.
Since the age when guys and girls start getting into relationships, you learn that you aren't supposed to put that relationship before your friends — ever. Because if the relationship doesn't work out, you need those friends to help you through the bad times. While it's easy to get lost in a relationship and be completely caught up in it, eventually you have to pull back and find a happy medium between balancing friends and your relationship.
Bottom line, how great is a relationship when you have to admit to other people that you lost a friend to get it? Girls, has this happened to you or have you done the stealing? And guys, what is the appeal of hooking up with an ex's friend?
And you especially don't do it if the man you have your eyes on is currently or was previously with one of your friends.
That is the ultimate betrayal.
So, imagine my horror on Saturday night as I sat listening to a friend of my boyfriend, who is on her way moving from Utah to Florida, telling me about how her best friend since high school, or for 15 years, swooped in and stole her ex-husband right as they were about to get back together. It was horrifying.
To make matters worse, the friend was in Korea on duty for the Air Force at the time, and her ex-husband had finally convinced her to give the relationship another shot. A week later, he was confessing that he had visited the other girl, hooked up with her, and decided he wanted to be in a relationship with her instead.
And the whole time, the other woman said nothing to her supposed best friend. No e-mails, no letters.
This isn't the first time I have heard this story. One of my best friends from college had the same thing happen to her. While she was study abroad, her "confidant" started dating her ex-boyfriend, and then was shocked when my friend wouldn't talk to her.
Obviously, the men aren't exactly innocent, but what makes a woman go after a friend's current BF or an ex? What's the appeal to having a relationship with someone that may or may not last, at the price of a friendship that has been more meaningful.
Since the age when guys and girls start getting into relationships, you learn that you aren't supposed to put that relationship before your friends — ever. Because if the relationship doesn't work out, you need those friends to help you through the bad times. While it's easy to get lost in a relationship and be completely caught up in it, eventually you have to pull back and find a happy medium between balancing friends and your relationship.
Bottom line, how great is a relationship when you have to admit to other people that you lost a friend to get it? Girls, has this happened to you or have you done the stealing? And guys, what is the appeal of hooking up with an ex's friend?
posted by Anonymous at 1:37 PM
4 Comments:
I have unfortunately been in this situation before. I had several "friends" who went after my ex-boyfriend while we were having problems. What made it worse was that these same girls were telling me what a jerk he was and that they didn't know what I saw in him to begin with!
Needless to say, they are no longer my friends.
I don't understand how you can be in a relationship that has any trust if you stole the person your with from someone else. If a person is that easy to steal then chances are they are going to be stolen from you, then you lose both the guy and the friends. Luckily I haven't had it happen but I know a few people from both sides of the fence.
When that sort of thing happens to you...when a friend tries to steal a boyfriend...its usually because God has forgotten you.
The best thing to do in that situation is to shoot yourself in the face, that'll show God who's boss.
Whoa...it sounds like Anon #3 definitely has some skewed approaches to life.
I don't think the best answer is bodily harm — to your self or the bad boyfriend and friend. The answer, if that happens, is to realize you are better off without either of them, because they obviously don't have your best interest in mind.
And Anon #3, if you ever need to chat about your anger issues...just let us know! Both Rose and I are good listeners!
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