Getting back in the saddle
With all the break-ups couples apparently are set to endure this month (see Roxy's post, below), I wonder: how long will each person wait before dating another person?
As another blogger dutifully noticed two days ago, I recently broke up with my boyfriend who I was in a long distance relationship with. Long story short: I couldn't take the distance anymore. Not long after we broke up (about 2 1/2 weeks) I started dating another guy, who lives in the same town as me. Admittedly, I feel guilty sometimes about dating someone so soon after ending a relationship. I have often wondered what the appropriate amount of time to wait is before seeing someone else.
So, bloggers, is there any set time? Should there be a mourning period that lasts for a specific length, depending on the length of the relationship?
As another blogger dutifully noticed two days ago, I recently broke up with my boyfriend who I was in a long distance relationship with. Long story short: I couldn't take the distance anymore. Not long after we broke up (about 2 1/2 weeks) I started dating another guy, who lives in the same town as me. Admittedly, I feel guilty sometimes about dating someone so soon after ending a relationship. I have often wondered what the appropriate amount of time to wait is before seeing someone else.
So, bloggers, is there any set time? Should there be a mourning period that lasts for a specific length, depending on the length of the relationship?
posted by Anonymous at 10:14 AM
3 Comments:
Rose, I've been in the same situation only a couple months earlier and found it really complicated. Personally, I tried to wait longer than a few weeks, got with a great guy, but it feel apart within a couple months and it made things ugly with the old boyfriend, and so now I do sometime worry about if I did the right thing. How long were you dating your old guy? I have always been told one fifth the amount of time you spent together is a good rule of thumbs or jokingly until the next new haircut. How are things working out with the old guy and how does new guy view this is going to effect you're new found love? That would be a good indication if you waited long enough? Do you think you waited long enough?
Let's be honest, you always know a relationship is going to end long before it actually gets to that point. And by the time it actually ends, more often than not, you have, for the most part, made peace with the ending of the relationship. Meaning, a new relationship may not be that hard to imagine.
Timing depends on each individual and their respective relationships. My BF and I once had a conversation about it and his theory was that all girls wait to break up with one guy until they already have another one lined up. This was from his personal experience, but I do think there is some truth in it — but that it stretches to guys as well.
Wait until you think it is appropriate, but if you worry about your exes feeling, the sooner you cut ties the better — especially if you have feelings for someone else. It's not fair, nor respectful of the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
Anon --
We were together 10 months, so I guess if we did the one-fifth rule, I should have waited two months. I could never live by the haircut rule because I only get my hair cut about two times a year!
Luckily, my ex-boyfriend has been pretty understanding about the whole thing, and we're remaining friends. My new guy has been understanding as well, and I don't think he thinks the wait time has that much of an impact.
I don't know if I waited long enough. That's why I made this post! I guess only time will tell. Thanks for all your comments!
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