Having the ETR talk?
In college, whenever one of my friends or I were involved with a guy, the main question that was eventually asked was, "Have you had the ETR talk?"
Meaning, have you "established the relationship?"
It may be one of the most stressful moments in a relationship, right up there with the first fight and meeting the family for the first time. How soon is to soon to ask where the relationship stands, and does the other person feel the same way you do? It's a talk that can do one of two things. 1. It can completely wreck the entire thing, especially if one person says that they aren't really into having a serious relationship, or 2. It can be great, as both people realize that they are both interested in developing a serious commitment to one another.
But judging when to have that talk can be nerve-wracking, especially for the person who is itching to get an answer one way or another as far as where the relationship is heading. If the other person isn't interested in having the talk, it can get kind of awkward.
So tell us, how have you done when faced with having the ETR? Did it go well, not so well, or just so-so?
Meaning, have you "established the relationship?"
It may be one of the most stressful moments in a relationship, right up there with the first fight and meeting the family for the first time. How soon is to soon to ask where the relationship stands, and does the other person feel the same way you do? It's a talk that can do one of two things. 1. It can completely wreck the entire thing, especially if one person says that they aren't really into having a serious relationship, or 2. It can be great, as both people realize that they are both interested in developing a serious commitment to one another.
But judging when to have that talk can be nerve-wracking, especially for the person who is itching to get an answer one way or another as far as where the relationship is heading. If the other person isn't interested in having the talk, it can get kind of awkward.
So tell us, how have you done when faced with having the ETR? Did it go well, not so well, or just so-so?
posted by Anonymous at 2:31 PM
6 Comments:
Also known as the DTR, the "determine the relationship" talk. As in, "so, have you had a DTR?"
Wow, I totally have never heard any of this lingo before.
Anyway, I have not really had any big problems with these types of talks. Most recently, I knew my guy was ready before me, but he did not give me any pressure to "define" the relationship. When we did go "official" we didn't necessarily have a talk (and I am about to reveal my lameness), I just made a relationship request on Facebook.
Since I already knew how my guy felt, it wasn't such a big deal. However, I did have a friend who found out that she was in a relationship because a guy asked to her to be in a "facebook relationship" with him. When that happened, she called me, and was like, "What's going on? I didn't know we were in a relationship!" LOL. But anyway, now I'm getting off topic ...
It's not official till it's on facebook, that's always my motto!
Ok so let's go with the facebook thing. Do you think that you should have a talk about making it facebook official or just relationship request?? My world just became lamer.
I think you should definitely have "the Facebook talk" before going public. If not for courtesy, to save face. How embarassing would it be for your profile to be listed "in a relationship" while your supposed "boyfriend" keeps his as "single"?
(For any bloggers who don't know about Facebook, it's an online networking site, that among other things, allows you to link your profile with the profile of your significant other.)
we also call it the DTR, but it stands for "define the relationship"...i normally leave it up to the male to bring up this conversation!
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