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Friday, February 16, 2007

Are men intimidated by smart women?

Guilty admission: I can't start my day without reading "Dear Abby."

In one of her columns awhile back, a woman, who I believe was in her 30s or so, wrote a letter saying she could not find a suitable man. She had a good job where she made a lot of money and had supervisory activities. She was smart and could hold her own. However, she thought this was her downfall. She asked Abby if perhaps guys were intimidated by her, so should she "dumb down" her personality.

Of course, Abby (being the wise woman that she is) told her that was rubbish, and she should not make herself seem dumb to attract a man. And, of course, I (being what I consider a smart woman), agreed with Abby.

I wonder, though, what kind of advice a man might have given this woman. Are men in fact intimidated by smart women? Do men like, bluntly put, dumb girls?

Men, speak up on this! Women, have you ever dumbed yourself down for a guy? What happened?

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think many men are intimidated by smart, successful women, but any man that is, isn't someone I want to be with!

4:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I only dated smart women. If I stumbled across one who was ... um, not bright, to put it politely ... I knew the relationship wouldn't last. Why would I date someone who can't maintain an intellectual conversation? Why would I want to be with someone who can't stand on her own as a strong individual? The smarter the better, I say. Plus, there are some gorgeous smart women out there. Any guy intimidated by a smart woman is missing out.

Of course, I'm a smart guy, so smart women shouldn't intimidate me. Guess we need to hear from some of the dim bulbs out there. ;)

7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My wife is not smarter or dumb. We are equal in everything. We are happy with each other. We laugh, love, and fight, but always love. Been that way for 30 yrs.

10:18 AM  
Blogger BeckiLG said...

I've been told a few times that I am intimidating because of my confidence. I do consider myself a intelligent and attractive woman, hence the confidence. If men find this intimidating, I guess I'm doomed for a life of singledom because I'm not about to change myself.

To dumb yourself down for a man would be untrue to yourself. Men need to grow some balls and go for the women that deserve a good man instead of an easy catch.

6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think becki is the winner here. It's confidence that men fear, not brilliance. I'm a guy, and I love women with supreme confidence. Not cockiness, mind you, but a person with self-assurance, who understands themselves, who can receive criticism and give it without prejudice.

Being smart is not necessarily a challenge. Since men are dominant actors, they typically do not like challenges. Confident people do challenge or hold their ground, and I believe that's why men are intimidated by confident women.

Hey, just my $0.02.

7:13 AM  
Blogger BeckiLG said...

I'm glad someone agrees with me. Now, to find someone NOT intimidated by me who accepts the challenge...

4:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Anon. #4 and Becki should date. Just an idea :)

7:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the same issue with men.
When you have a lot of things going for you and you have a good head on your shoulders,men are usually intimidated to approach you. They feel challenged and insecure. Remember, it's not you that makes them insecure, they are a bunch of low-lives who you are attracting and if you need to make yourself sound less intelligent well then you're obviously not meeting the right men.
There's a difference between a "guy" and a "man".
A man is who is confident about himself, who's modest and will love to learn things from you that he may have not known. Who would love to share his ideas with yours and look up to you with respect as he would expect the same from you.

If you're getting different signals, where a "guy" lets you down, makes you feel bad, has a cocky attitude and just shows you lack of respect well then its because they are trying to convince themselves that they are better than you.

A man doesn't look at who's better or who's worse, he looks at the good qualities in you that he can learn from and hopes the same from you.

I haven't really dated anyone like that but I know and I'm sure there are guys out there that are like that just waiting for us, in return don't waste your time with dull guys.

A real man is rare to find in this world and so most of them in other words are just guys...if you're meeting a bunch and you feel like they are all wrong for you, just be patient because like i said a real "man" is very rare to find, he will come along but after you tossed out a bunch of bad ones, just be patient and it will happen when you least expect it;)

12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SMART WOMEN? WHAT IS A SMART WOMAN?
IT SEEMS WOMEN ARE FANTASIZING ABOUT THEIR FICTIONAL SELF DELUDING INTELLECT AND SUCESS WHEN THE REALITY IS IN NATURE A WOMAN'S TRUE SUCESS IS NOT BASED ON THE LEGAL FICTION KNOWN COMMONLY AS MONEY BUT ON HER ABILITY TO CREATE A PRIDE AND MAKE SURE HER GENE LIVES ON.

IT BOGGLES THE MIND WHEN I WITNESS THE UTTER FOOLISHNESS OF A WOMAN'S UNFOUNDED CLAIM THAT, MEN ARE SCARE OF A SO-CALLED SUCESSFUL INTELLECTUAL WOMAN.
IT SEEMS THOSE WOMEN MAKING THOSE CLAIMS HAVE NO IDEA MEN WERE BIRTHED BY WOMEN. THUS COMMON-PLAINING TO FACT THAT MOST OF THOSE MEN IF NOT ALL ARE FROM INTELLEGENT AND SUCESSFUL MOTHERS.

THE QUESTION WOMEN MAKING SUCH CLAIMS MUST ASK THEMSELVES IS HOW TRULLY INTELLEGENT THEY ARE IF THEY BLATANTLY MISS THAT SIMPLE FACT STATED ABOVE OF INTELLEGENT MOTHERS BIRTHING MEN.

1:25 AM  
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5:55 AM  
Anonymous Georgia said...

What an interesting article! I thought I may share my thoughts on the topic, based on my personal ex periences.

I am naturally blonde, like to wear makeup and take an interest in fashion. I also have a very happy demenour and can be easily amused I am told. This is just the way I am. I am also a postgraduate neuroscientist.

People seem to have a bit of a problem with this. And when I say people, I actually just mean men hehe. If they meet me in a work context, everything is fine, as
my education level and position at the university is known from the outset. (of course there is the whole "women in science" alienation but that is another story!). However, if I meet a man and we chat for a bit and everything is great, and they then ask what I do...I can see them visibly change. They are intimidted....VERY intimidated. As a result of this, I have concoted various non-threatening ways of presenting this. The article here really makes sense to me as in hindsight, I feel that men might initially percieve me in a different light...I have had guys say "oh I thought you looked like an intrerior designer" haha which I took as a complement. The above scenario relates to the majority of men I know...many of them are highly educated.

I have met a handful of men who are not like this. They appreciTe and support a sucesful and intelligent woman.

5:02 PM  
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4:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes. I'm 38 yrs old, but I look like i'm in my 20s because I'm a short person. Apparently, 20 somethings are always trying to approach me, but then once they start talking to me they get intimidated by my intelligence. Who cares if I know who Tony Orlando or Tom Jones is. Or that I know all about the 70s and 80s because I was born in the 70s. qnd was a child in the 80s. or that I saw reruns of old shows like The Andy Griffith show or Bewitched. these young people want to act like they are really smart, and then an older person comes along and knows things they don't big woop. It's not my fault that they don't know Jerry Mathers was On a show called Leave It To Beaver or that Marion Ross and Tom Bosly were the parents on a show called Happy Days or about a late 60s to mid 70s show called The Brady Bunch and the names of all the brady kids. I'm assuming young guys are sore that they didn't live in those decades and were in diapers when I graduated from High school. seriously, Men should embrass a womens intelligence not get intimated and shit on it.

5:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When men are intimidated by a smart women they try to make them look stupid to make themselves look better. Grow up. It's childish. accept a woman is smarter than you.

5:32 PM  

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