Making the next move
I was reading an article on the Life & Style pages of The Telegraph this morning about when couples should move to the next level. What I found even more interesting than the precise timing of relationships was how it was the man who was supposed to make all the moves.
Traditionally, the idea has always been held that a man was supposed to ask a woman out on a date. Now, I think we moved out of the Stone Age on that one, and many women are comfortable asking men out on dates.
However, I was surprised when most of the women quoted in the article said that when it came to "making it official," moving in together and meeting the parents, it was the man who had to make the first move.
Jen Schefft, of Bachelor and Bachelorette fame, says this in the article:
"If I want to know if a guy wants to be exclusive, I'll wait until he brings it up. It sounds kind of old-fashioned, but if I broach it and he says OK, then I'll always be left wondering if he just said that because I was the one to bring it up first."
Well, isn't it possible guys feel the same way?
Does it really matter who makes the next move in a relationship? Does it always have to be the man? Women: Do you prefer to wait for men? Men: Would you be offended if a woman made the move?
Traditionally, the idea has always been held that a man was supposed to ask a woman out on a date. Now, I think we moved out of the Stone Age on that one, and many women are comfortable asking men out on dates.
However, I was surprised when most of the women quoted in the article said that when it came to "making it official," moving in together and meeting the parents, it was the man who had to make the first move.
Jen Schefft, of Bachelor and Bachelorette fame, says this in the article:
"If I want to know if a guy wants to be exclusive, I'll wait until he brings it up. It sounds kind of old-fashioned, but if I broach it and he says OK, then I'll always be left wondering if he just said that because I was the one to bring it up first."
Well, isn't it possible guys feel the same way?
Does it really matter who makes the next move in a relationship? Does it always have to be the man? Women: Do you prefer to wait for men? Men: Would you be offended if a woman made the move?
posted by Anonymous at 10:14 AM
10 Comments:
I think the man should make the "move". Thats how Ive been raised and thats how itll always be.
I think that if a guy isn't "ready" for that level or the next step, then if a girl brings it up, he's more likely to think of it as an ultimatum or something. Personally I think its better to wait until the guy brings it up, even if you have to wait longer than you want. At least you don't chase him away by being anxious.
The man has always been in charge. It's a fact that the man desires the hunt. If he is chased he will run the other way without a doubt. Just human nature. Remember the chase is what it's all about...if the fox was easy to catch the thrill would be gone !!
I am interested to know if y'all are men or women. Especially anons 1 & 2.
Im a woman, anon 1.
I think that, if a relationship has progressed to conversations about moving in and marriage, that by that point it doesn't matter who brings it up first.
If you're uncomfortable bringing it up, it probably shouldn't happen in the first place. But that's just my opinion.
The quickest way to get rid of a guy is to tell him you love him too soon !! Tried and true !!! That also applies for the guy saying that to the woman also.
I think as the relationship progresses, to the point of moving in and marriage than it really doesn't matter who initiates the conversation. More likely than not both people have it on the brain. But early on, especially for women, it's fun to be pursued rather than always chasing and pushing the relationship along.
Anon 2 is a woman as well.
Im a guy and I say that guys are wired to take the lead (at least I am) as an example I was in a realtionship with a wonderful girl, we were friends, we liked all the same things, we did everything together, I took her to the beach all my friends liked her. . . . sounds perfect eh?she very much wanted the exclusive title put on our realtionship. . . she pursued me heavily.
I like the anology of the dog and chasing a fox. . . I have a little female hound dog (shes so cute) and if the two of us are out playing "Chase" in the yard the more I lead her and show her the way I want to go the better she follows me.
This is not to say that women are little hound dogs but in a realtionship I believe the man has the responsiblity to be strong enough to lead and part of that leading is making decisons about marriage (GUYS proposing) and things of that nature. It seems to me realtion ships begin to fall apart and cease to work when we try to break out of this standard. . . i.e. the man quits leading and becomes lathargic about making decisions it is then that women get frustrated and upset because they are left directionless. . . .its funny (All opinion here) women need direction but wont lead and men need to lead but dont need direction . . . .(my brother used to say "a man leading with no followers is a guy taking a walk") funny its almost as though we were created to need each other. . . . .did i go too deep????
Post a Comment
<< Home