Getting back together
Sometimes, once just isn't enough.
Some people date one person, have one relationship and one break-up, and it's over. But then there are others who date one person, have a relationship, break up, get back together, break up, get back together, and so on and so forth until they either (a) get married or (b) break up (again).
I broke up and got back together with someone only one time. And I'm not even sure if you can call it "getting back together" as opposed to "ending a long argument" since we were "broken up" for about 24 hours. Most of my friends didn't even know we broke up that first time.
That experience, though, and hearing others' experiences, has led me to believe that if you break up once -- even if it's only for 24 hours -- you probably should stay broken up. Something wasn't working enough for you to want to call it quits once, and the chances are that it's going to happen again. When I had my 24-hour break up, I really, really didn't want to break up. I was heartbroken, and not ready to call it quits. But sure enough, a few months later, I was back on the phone, having the same phone call.
If you're meant to be together, you'll know, and if you're not ... well, you'll know that, too. At least, in your heart you will if you look hard enough.
Have you ever broken up and gotten back together with someone? How did that go? Do people ever stay together in those situations, or does it just delay the final break up? Do you think you should give up once, or give people a second chance?
Some people date one person, have one relationship and one break-up, and it's over. But then there are others who date one person, have a relationship, break up, get back together, break up, get back together, and so on and so forth until they either (a) get married or (b) break up (again).
I broke up and got back together with someone only one time. And I'm not even sure if you can call it "getting back together" as opposed to "ending a long argument" since we were "broken up" for about 24 hours. Most of my friends didn't even know we broke up that first time.
That experience, though, and hearing others' experiences, has led me to believe that if you break up once -- even if it's only for 24 hours -- you probably should stay broken up. Something wasn't working enough for you to want to call it quits once, and the chances are that it's going to happen again. When I had my 24-hour break up, I really, really didn't want to break up. I was heartbroken, and not ready to call it quits. But sure enough, a few months later, I was back on the phone, having the same phone call.
If you're meant to be together, you'll know, and if you're not ... well, you'll know that, too. At least, in your heart you will if you look hard enough.
Have you ever broken up and gotten back together with someone? How did that go? Do people ever stay together in those situations, or does it just delay the final break up? Do you think you should give up once, or give people a second chance?
posted by Anonymous at 3:33 PM
7 Comments:
When it comes to things like this, I think it's totally dependent upon the couple and the circumstances.
It's too easy, and often not wise, to assume that just because a couple has broken up that they're doomed forever.
My parents dated in high school, broke up before college, (my dad actually married someone else and divorced!) and then they ended up getting back together. They've been married for 25 years now.
I agree with Anon #1 — it completely depends on a relationship and the situation. Sometimes, a break-up helps one or both parties re-evaluate situations and really examine what they want. It can really help both sides realize what they have, and what they don't want to lose.
Of course, if you are a couple that keeps breaking up and making up — like every other week — then maybe it is time to just move on.
however, from what i have seen, sometimes when people come back together, they are hopeful, turning a blind eye to what broke them up to begin. but it always resurfaces ...
To be honest, once you break up with someone and then get back together, you are more aware of whatever problems are plaguing you.
If you enter back into a relationship with a blind eye, then no, the relationship is not going to work.
But if you acknowledge there are kinks and make efforts to correct the problem, more often than not, it's going to work.
I like this one too. . . I myslef haveing never done the whole on off on off thing i cant actually comment from personal experience however i can say that every one with few exceptions that ihave seen do the whole break up get back together thing has ended up broken up in the long run. . . .I think that it is one of those things where neither person actully cares enough to change the habits that created the conflict in the 1st place so. . . .they break up . . . . and then they long for the companionship they fromerly had so they feel that they can "put up with" whatever it was no matter what, they get back together and realize that the other person's snoring, leaving the toilet seat up, insert something that gets on yoru nerves STILL grates on them and . . . .they break up agian . . . . .jaded and cynical? maybe. . . but i think that is the way it goes most of the time
Well then again, it just probability that if you get back together with someone and break up (almost guaranteed unless you get married) everyone notices and that why no one thinks it works. Ive seen people and situations change and great relationships "phoenix" out of the old garbage. But I think its unfair to say its doomed to not last, b/c lets face it, almost every relationship wont last unless "its that one" which everyone can easily convince themselves that they have pick a winner every time but lets not kid ourselves.
Great insight Phoenix — I definitely think that you can learn and grow in the same relationship. It may not work out, but that can be said for any relationship. I know people who said they never fought in their relationships — and those same people aren't in those relationships anymore. But I don't think one split necessarily means the situation is doomed as long as you work hard at solving what was the initial problem.
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