To change or not to change?
A friend of mine from college always had a debate about changing last names once we got married. He said he wouldn't marry a woman who wouldn't change her name, and I was fairly adamant on keeping my last name, even after marriage.
I'm not quite sure what he would have thought of this story, but I have a feeling he wouldn't think it was the brightest idea in the world. In case you can't read the link, there is a man in California who wants to take his wife's last name. It's a bit more of a pain and costs a lot of money, but he wants to take her family's name.
I'd kind of wavered on the whole changing the last name. Professionally, I'll probably keep it the same — I don't want my byline to change after going by the one I use now all these years. But personally, I'll take my husband's last name. The older I get, the more I see how it is a sense of pride. Like, we're together and we're a team.
But there is no way I would want my husband to take my last name. I guess I am a little bit more traditional than I thought because that idea seems just weird to me!
What do you think? Would you want to take your wife's name, or would you like you husband to take your name? Or does tradition rule in this case?
I'm not quite sure what he would have thought of this story, but I have a feeling he wouldn't think it was the brightest idea in the world. In case you can't read the link, there is a man in California who wants to take his wife's last name. It's a bit more of a pain and costs a lot of money, but he wants to take her family's name.
I'd kind of wavered on the whole changing the last name. Professionally, I'll probably keep it the same — I don't want my byline to change after going by the one I use now all these years. But personally, I'll take my husband's last name. The older I get, the more I see how it is a sense of pride. Like, we're together and we're a team.
But there is no way I would want my husband to take my last name. I guess I am a little bit more traditional than I thought because that idea seems just weird to me!
What do you think? Would you want to take your wife's name, or would you like you husband to take your name? Or does tradition rule in this case?
posted by Anonymous at 2:31 PM
11 Comments:
After getting married, it is hard to get used to having a new name because you don't want to let go of who you have been through your whole life. I have gotten used to my new name and am proud that my husband and I share the same name, as yes, if we are a team. Also, my husband and brother share the same first name, so they would have had the same full name if my husband were to take my last name and that is too weird for me!!
One thing I have seen, after living in both Ohio and Colorado, the south is funny about our name change. For one, most women in the south don't think about it too much, you just do it. But what you change you name to is interesting. In Ohio and Colorado, my friends who married droped their last name for the new one, keeping their same middle name: examle Mary Jo Doe is now Mary Jo Smith. Here in the south (and I know this does not pertain to everyone) we women tend to drop our middle name and keep our last name as our new middle name (as I did):example: Mary Jo Doe, is now Mary Doe Smith.
Now this to me is helpful, because right after the change you can use your whole name and still be reconized as your 'old self'.
On a side note: The only thing I still have trouble with is signing my new name, even after 4 years.
I have often debated this in my head, and have changed my mind a number of times. Before I got into journalism, I always assumed that I'd change my last name. I'm a traditional kind of gal and like to keep with established traditions. Then, I started writing and realized that if I changed my last name, my byline would change, too. Then, I would be changing my professional identity, and if someone wanted to research something I wrote before I was married, they would have to know my maiden name.
So then I thought, what if, I hypenated my name? Then I would obviously still be the same person but with a different name. Or, I could start out hypenating in my career and eventually phases that out, but that would probably prove too confusing.
Where I'm at right now is the same place as Roxy. I think I'll keep my maiden name as my professional name and legally change my name for my personal life. It might be a little confusing, but eventually people should get over it. Plus, I'd like to point out that as a TV journalist, the mom on Growing Pains did the same thing (on TV she was Maggie Malone, as opposed to Maggie Sever ... I can't believe I remembered that!).
But who knows? By the time the day actually comes, I might have changed my mind (and name!) again.
Just keep it the same, that way you don't have to change it again after the divorce
I agree keep your identity with your maiden name. These days divorce is rampant.
Keeping your last name so you don't have to change it back after a divorce seems a little pessimistic to me! If you are so sure that you are going to get divorced, don't get married. Just live together, so then when you get tired of each other, all you have to do is move out!
Seriously though, I will probably take my fiance's last name when we get married. I can see why professionals would keep their last name, at least for work purposes. There are plenty of actors and musicians who don't change their last name, because they would lose that name recognition. Whether or not you change your last name just depends on the situation.
Wow — talk about taking a negative tone when it comes to marriage! I agree with Sarah. If you are so sure you are going to get divorced, don't get married. Please. maybe the divorce rate will go down a bit!
Divorce is the "new and easy " way out of marriage. People just don't want to give it a try. Personally from experience marriage is NOT " all that " !! It's very difficult to say how you will feel about the person till you actually live with them and the " honeymoon phase " is over. Then what? Statistics prove that the majority of men cheat on their wives and wives aren't far behind in that respect.
Out of curiosity, Roxy and Rose, in what other periodicals are you ladies published? You mention the desire to retain your last names for a byline, but in your blog you only reveal your first names. Do either of you feel as though your full name is so recognizable that you would retain it even if you got married tomorrow?
In the blog, we are on a first name basis only. However, in the daily section of the newspaper, we go by our full names. And while I plan on staying in the journalism field for awhile, I do not see this blog going on for years and years. Therefore, while last names aren't important in the blog field, I feel they are in my overall professional career.
In addition to Roxy's answer: We go by assumed names on a first-name-only basis in the blog because of the nature of the topics we cover. We extend the priviledge of anonymity to our readers as well for the that reason.
It's not that I feel that my full name on my byline is so well-known that I would not want to change it. It's the fact that if anyone wanted to look up my byline in the future, they would not be able to unless they knew my maiden name. I'm proud of the work I've done so far, and I wouldn't want it to seem like I was completely discounting it once I married.
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