We're all friends, right?
I had a teacher in 11th grade who taught us the rule of "Mom's Corollary." The rule states that if you learn something new, or hear something for the first time, then you will recognize that new thing repeatedly in your life. Last night, I felt like I was living Mom's Corollary.
Earlier in the evening I was driving to an assignment, and I had the radio on. The DJs were having an in-depth discussion about what you do when you break up with someone and you have mutual friends with the person you broke up with. They talked about all different sorts scenarios, like what you would do if you brought the friends into the relationship or what you would do if you made the friends together. Either situation is tricky. Just because a couple has broken up, that doesn't automatically mean everyone won't be friends anymore.
So after my assignment was over, I went out with some friends and my boyfriend. Well, a little bit later my boyfriend's ex (who I guess is still friends with his friends) showed up. My boy and I ended up leaving a little early (a) because I was tired and (b) because he didn't want to hang out around his ex. (Mom's Corollary!)
So what do you do? If you make friends with your boyfriend's friends and then you break up, do you still retain those friendships? What if you made mutual friends while you were going out? Obviously, you all wouldn't be able to hang out as a group ... or would you?
Earlier in the evening I was driving to an assignment, and I had the radio on. The DJs were having an in-depth discussion about what you do when you break up with someone and you have mutual friends with the person you broke up with. They talked about all different sorts scenarios, like what you would do if you brought the friends into the relationship or what you would do if you made the friends together. Either situation is tricky. Just because a couple has broken up, that doesn't automatically mean everyone won't be friends anymore.
So after my assignment was over, I went out with some friends and my boyfriend. Well, a little bit later my boyfriend's ex (who I guess is still friends with his friends) showed up. My boy and I ended up leaving a little early (a) because I was tired and (b) because he didn't want to hang out around his ex. (Mom's Corollary!)
So what do you do? If you make friends with your boyfriend's friends and then you break up, do you still retain those friendships? What if you made mutual friends while you were going out? Obviously, you all wouldn't be able to hang out as a group ... or would you?
posted by Anonymous at 9:58 AM
8 Comments:
It's a very tricky situation, which can be made worse if the break-up was really bad. For the most part, I think it is fairly possible as long as one or both parties in the break-up understands that there may be some events they are left out of, and as long as there is no bad-mouthing in front of the friends. Then it can get awkward!
It sounds as if you were out with friends of both you and your guy, so you are kind of putting yourself in the same situation. Where you friends with his ex (or at least knew of her) before as well, then?
Well it has been a while! hows everyone?? good to hear it. . . I really like this question it is intresting to hear this sort of thing actually written out. . . .in the case of me and my friends who have experienced this exact situation lately, (where we were the friends who were made mutaully by the couple) when the couple did break up they more or less quit hanging out with all of us, while not to say no contact was made, the contact was not to the extent it was before the break up . . . . which was sad because one of my buddies and i no longer get to hang out. On the up side it dose seems as though one part of the realtionship (who has since moved on and found another other) is doing quite well. dont know if this actually answers the question but its my 2 cents!
Anon -- No, I didn't know the ex, but I am friends with my boy's friends now. I'd just as soon not hang out with her, though.
Citizen -- Nice to have you back! You always leave such thoughtful comments!
From experiencing a quite dramatic and violent occurance recently that was spurred by a new better half not being able to tolerate the old other half being around or being talked about by mutual friends (+ lil bit of alcohol), I can't help but ask, how come boyfriends/girlfriends can not handle the old flame being around. It might not be as bad as this situation I am recalling, but why are they threatened or uneasy with them being around? The new obviously has the upper hand. Is it just natural that some people can not accept the fact that almost every person you will enter into a relationship will have a old lover and in most chances a future lover too. I thought that was just something you learn in high school? It a fact of life.
Anon #2: While it is obvious that the current flame always has the upper hand, it still is natural to feel jealous/threatened by the person with whom your significant other once had a meaningful relationship. For me, I always wonder what the other person had that made her so special. Maybe I shouldn't, but I can't help but be curious.
Rose: So would you prefer your special guy did not have a "meaningful relationship" before, then you would be the one he is learning all his mistakes from and finding out who he really is for the next girl. You should try to accept it, understand he is with right now for reason and not that other person, and be greatful for now - not for his past or his/"our"/your future because chances our that might be all you get. Plus, its so much more attractive when you can be confident in yourself and have him believe you are comfortable around his friends.
Good point, phoenix.
Post a Comment
<< Home