Skeletons in the closet
There's an old Backstreet Boys song that goes something like this: "I don't care who you are / Where you're from / What you did / As long as you love me."
That's such a nice thought. A significant other's past doesn't matter at all, just as long as she (or he) keeps on loving.
However, things aren't always so dreamy.
What if your boyfriend or girlfriend has a dark past? Say your man was in jail for attempted murder or (to the less extreme) for dealing drugs? What if your woman formerly was a prostitute or a stripper? Would you care?
I know I would. Yes, to one extent what someone did in the past can be forgotten if that person has moved on from the old lifestyle. Things can be forgiven. Doing pot, for instance. If my significant other said he used to smoke pot, but doesn't anymore, I could look past that. However, if he said he did acid ... that would be another story.
How would you deal with skeletons hanging in a significant other's closet? Could you look past them, or would their presence bother you enough to cut ties? Also, where would you draw the line? Are some things OK, and others unforgivable?
That's such a nice thought. A significant other's past doesn't matter at all, just as long as she (or he) keeps on loving.
However, things aren't always so dreamy.
What if your boyfriend or girlfriend has a dark past? Say your man was in jail for attempted murder or (to the less extreme) for dealing drugs? What if your woman formerly was a prostitute or a stripper? Would you care?
I know I would. Yes, to one extent what someone did in the past can be forgotten if that person has moved on from the old lifestyle. Things can be forgiven. Doing pot, for instance. If my significant other said he used to smoke pot, but doesn't anymore, I could look past that. However, if he said he did acid ... that would be another story.
How would you deal with skeletons hanging in a significant other's closet? Could you look past them, or would their presence bother you enough to cut ties? Also, where would you draw the line? Are some things OK, and others unforgivable?
posted by Anonymous at 12:08 PM
8 Comments:
all i'm saying is, bsb for life. : ) haha.
anon, that's not funny. also, why are you judging? nobody is perfect. and even if they stop, they will still have the same "values" that got them there, to some degree.
I agree, Anon #2. The most important thing in a relationship is honesty, and if the person reveals an incident or two from their past, it shouldn't be up for someone else to judge — especially if they are trying to move past said incident.
I know I have done things that I am not exactly happy about, but my BF hasn't held them against me, and vice versa. What really matters is if they learned from it and moved on, and of course, if they don't do it anymore.
But where do you draw the line, Roxy? What if the person you are seriously dating told you that he/she abused his or her previous partners but recieved conseling. Would you still want to date that person, even if he/she sought help.
What if he/she was a drug addict. Who's to say that behavior is not recurring or dormant?
I think a person's past, depending on the situation, is very, very important.
Wh
Anon #1, you are my soul mate, lol.
Obviously, Anon #1, if the person in question subjected anyone to injury or spent time in jail for activities — I would steer clear. As would most people.
However, for a few past discretions that fell well short of immoral, I think it's okay to brush being judgmental aside, because everyone makes mistakes! You just have to come up with what you will and won't overlook.
My Daddy told me, "leopards never change their spots." I hate to tell you, Daddy, they do change, sometimes one spot at a time.
I've got 15 years in recovery from alcoholism. I did change. Dare you to say different. People can change. Dramatically.
The only way to judge is to watch the person closely and look at the evidence. How does the person behave, what do they do, how do they treat others, are they peaceful and kind, are they receptive and caring? There are a bunch of bellwethers for a changed person.
Congrats on your change Anon #4. You're proof that maybe we (including me) shouldn't be so quick to judge.
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