The art of breaking up
There is one thing in life that solves all problems (especially those dealing with boys): birthday cake remix ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery.
In college, when my best friend came into my room upset that she had broken up with her boyfriend, the first thing I suggested was to rally up the rest of the girls, get in the car and head to Cold Stone. There we ordered a quart of the usual: birthday cake ice cream, mixed with chocolate sauce, a brownie and sprinkles. Over the ice cream we sat and over-analyzed every situation in her relationship, every word in the break up and talked about how to move on.
Of course, ice cream doesn't solve everything. Someone is always left with a broken heart and wondering what went wrong. From my own experiences and from observing my friends, though, I've noticed that there are some things to do that can help keep you on the right side of sane.
First, if you are the one doing the breaking up, tell you significant other in person. The only exception is if you live in different countries and you NEVER see each other, which may have been a contributing factor to the break up anyway. Breaking up with someone over phone, e-mail, IM or MySpace is disrespectful to the other person. It also doesn't give the person being broken up with a chance to ask questions about the decision.
Second, if you are the one who is being broken up with, don't be afraid to cry, yell or break something (not expensive). If you're angry, get it out. But once you do that, try your best to go into happy mode and surround yourself with people who love and care about you.
Third, people on either side of the break up should not promise something they cannot deliver. Don't promise to be friends with a person if there's no chance that you're ever going to talk to him or her again. It only hurts worse when friendly calls go unreturned.
Now, I'm by no means a break up expert. What are some tips you have for people going through a break up? What do you do to make yourself feel better? What are some things NOT to say when breaking up?
In college, when my best friend came into my room upset that she had broken up with her boyfriend, the first thing I suggested was to rally up the rest of the girls, get in the car and head to Cold Stone. There we ordered a quart of the usual: birthday cake ice cream, mixed with chocolate sauce, a brownie and sprinkles. Over the ice cream we sat and over-analyzed every situation in her relationship, every word in the break up and talked about how to move on.
Of course, ice cream doesn't solve everything. Someone is always left with a broken heart and wondering what went wrong. From my own experiences and from observing my friends, though, I've noticed that there are some things to do that can help keep you on the right side of sane.
First, if you are the one doing the breaking up, tell you significant other in person. The only exception is if you live in different countries and you NEVER see each other, which may have been a contributing factor to the break up anyway. Breaking up with someone over phone, e-mail, IM or MySpace is disrespectful to the other person. It also doesn't give the person being broken up with a chance to ask questions about the decision.
Second, if you are the one who is being broken up with, don't be afraid to cry, yell or break something (not expensive). If you're angry, get it out. But once you do that, try your best to go into happy mode and surround yourself with people who love and care about you.
Third, people on either side of the break up should not promise something they cannot deliver. Don't promise to be friends with a person if there's no chance that you're ever going to talk to him or her again. It only hurts worse when friendly calls go unreturned.
Now, I'm by no means a break up expert. What are some tips you have for people going through a break up? What do you do to make yourself feel better? What are some things NOT to say when breaking up?
posted by Anonymous at 10:57 PM
12 Comments:
The bottom line is to be honest! Don't use cliches like,"it's not you, it's me." Also tell the person early on, most people can tell early when a relationship is not for them.
The best way to break up with someone (specifically a guy breaking up with a girl) is to do a houdini....It's easy!
Just start having sex with the girl, preferably in the "doggy style" position and also preferably with a window, or sliding glass door nearby. Have a friend hiding in the room with you and mid-stroke swap out with him so that he is now the one having sex with her. Then sneak outside to the window or sliding glass door and knock on it, she'll look out in horror as she sees that she's having sex with a stranger.
That should get your point across, and help her to learn that all women are filthy lying whores.
I think it is important to remember that it sucks for at least one of the people. Don't rush into a friendship. Give the person a couple of weeks without you so that he/she can deal with their feelings about the relationship being over.
Re: Anonymous No. 2 --
Bitter ... party of one ...
I back up Anon #4. Your current view of women may be the reason you have been mistreated in the past. Somehow, I get the sense that you haven't exactly been a gentleman.
The whole premise, I hope, was a joke, and just a sick situation thought up to make yourself feel better about your current relationship status.
And p.s. the way to sweet talk a woman is not to call her a "lying, filthy whore."
Houdini Dogg was probably joking but he makes a good point about men, which is that avoidance of the real issue in a damaged relationship is often their way out.
At the same time, being a guy, I find it hard to tell a woman that I am now bored and would like to do something else besides hang out with her. Now, to avoid the break-up situation, I'm trying to avoid the relationship part, which only means I'll be alone forever.
Is there a healthy way to do this? For all of the talk of honesty and it being the greatest of all policies, it can make the break-up itself more tramatic than necessary.
Isn't there a way to lie that isn't cliched and doesn't involve elaborate sex pranks? Just something that lets everyone transition into life again a little easier?
For the most part, honesty is the best policy. Telling someone that you're just not that into him (or her) anymore is one thing. Telling him that you're just not that into him anymore because he's ugly and smells bad is just cruel.
I had a situation once where I had not been dating a guy, but we were close and talked about it. I asked him to tell me if he ever did not want to pursue it anymore. Well, he didn't tell me, and I found out he had a girlfriend on facebook (ewwww), and that was awful. Being upfront would have been A LOT better.
Break up in a public place so there will me witnesses if he or she decides to go into crazy mode. Like everyone here has said, well besides doggy, honesty is the way to go. The situation is going to hurt someone anyway, so if you are going to do it then tell them the real reason. Really being honest is not that hard, actually very refreshing at times.
So "Rose", I'm thinking if you asked him if he wanted you to keep pursuing him and he didn't give you an answer back that would be a clear sign that he meant that as a no. Guys (or most guys that I know at least) feel uncomfortable talking about that sort of thing, and by avoiding it he was probably trying to send a big ol' "no" your way. And if you had to find out he had a girlfriend through facebook, I'm guessing you two weren't all that close in the first place. Ever read "He's Just Not That into You?" Might wanna check it out...
I have read it, thankyouverymuch ;) We were close friends (hung out every day and talked about serious stuff). But we also worked together too, which added an additional element that I didn't want to get into in the last post.
Which, by the way, has since made me pledge never to get involved with co-workers in any way other than friendship. It's just not happening.
On a side note — I completely agree with Rose. Office romances are NOT a good idea. I have heard too many horror stories, experienced one of my own, and it is a bad path to go down.
But I don't think Rose is unjustified in just wanting to respected, or not lied to. It seems that while her "friend" was unresponsive, it in no way signified that he didn't want to pursue a relationship as well. In fact, in this case the silence seems to say, "Sure, I don't want this to end."
Bottom line, just have enough respect, and courage, to be upfront about entering or ending a relationship!
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