Relocating relationships?
Relationships, as we have long established on this blog, take lots of work, understanding and of course, communication.
So what do you do when the person you are in a relationship with gets a fanatastic job opportunity...across the state or even country? It's a fairly common situation a lot of unmarried people find themselves facing. In marriage, I assume, or was raised to understand, that when one part of the family moves, everyone moves. But when you are just dating someone, that pick-up-and-move attitude is compromised just a bit.
I know more than a few people, myself included, who have had to face the decision of move with the person,bear a long-distance relationship or terminate the romantic side of the relationship. All three decisions have their share of pain — moving with marks significant commitment that one or both parties may not be ready for, long distance is self-explanatory in its hardships and well, who wants to break-up with someone when you don't want to at all?
Either way, the decision is going to make both parties seriously examine the relationship and means tough conversations are inevitably on the way.
So what do you do? Or what have you done? Would you follow someone you love as they take their dream job while possibly compromising what you want? Or do you ask them not to take the job? And how does the relationship work after a decision has been made?
So what do you do when the person you are in a relationship with gets a fanatastic job opportunity...across the state or even country? It's a fairly common situation a lot of unmarried people find themselves facing. In marriage, I assume, or was raised to understand, that when one part of the family moves, everyone moves. But when you are just dating someone, that pick-up-and-move attitude is compromised just a bit.
I know more than a few people, myself included, who have had to face the decision of move with the person,bear a long-distance relationship or terminate the romantic side of the relationship. All three decisions have their share of pain — moving with marks significant commitment that one or both parties may not be ready for, long distance is self-explanatory in its hardships and well, who wants to break-up with someone when you don't want to at all?
Either way, the decision is going to make both parties seriously examine the relationship and means tough conversations are inevitably on the way.
So what do you do? Or what have you done? Would you follow someone you love as they take their dream job while possibly compromising what you want? Or do you ask them not to take the job? And how does the relationship work after a decision has been made?
posted by Anonymous at 1:45 PM
4 Comments:
if you are in a real relationship, it's simple. do what's best for the couple and the relationship. it's not two seperate people, it's one couple.
Awhile back, I stumbled across a story that pertains to this topic.
David Bell, president of Macon State College, and Nora Kizer Bell, deceased former president of Wesleyan College, were married and lucky enough to at one point work together in Macon.
They always had a pact that they would make their jobs and relationship work out, even if it meant long commutes and long distance relationships.
Before Mrs. Bell died, she took a job in Virginia. Mr. Bell stayed in Macon, but the two continued to make their relationship work.
I think the story attests to the strength of their relationship and their own personal strengths. They made a great deal of sacrifices for each other, and somehow made it work. I can only hope to be that strong.
If you're interested in the whole story, read it here:
http://chronicle.com/jobs/2002/04/2002041801c.htm
You can also Google nora kizer bell, david bell and it's the fourth link down.
I have had to make this decision. My fiance got an opportunity to transfer to Florida with the company he worked for. He took the job and after a couple of months, I moved down there with him. We wound up back in this area, but he is up for a job in Florida. We discussed it, and if he gets the job offer, he will live with a friend in FL while I stay here, since I have a great job. We will see each other on weekends and on vacations. This would last for about two to three years, until he is through with the training program and eligible to transfer up here.
Good luck to you and your fiance, Sarah!
Post a Comment
<< Home