Enjoying the freedom?

Last night, after President Bush's much-heralded visit to Macon and the mid-state, I met a few friends out for drinks and trivia. We won $30, and were enjoying the atmosphere when a couple behind us started cuddling and kissing — the truly disturbing part was that it was in Rivalry's bar. Not exactly the cleanliest place, but whatever. Back to the point of the story.

As it turns out, the young woman doing the extreme PDA had a husband, and it wasn't the guy she was canoodling with. As a joke, I asked the person who informed us about the situation if her husband was in the military. His eyes got big as he exclaimed yes, and then asked, "Why is it always like that? Or why do military wives always cheat on their husbands?" Turns out, he also hooked up with a married wife of a military member.

It reminded me of a truly awful story I had heard just two months before as I was flying home for a weekend. I sat next to a member of the Army, who was going home on leave. We started chatting about his unit, which had just done a tour of Iraq. I asked if they had lost anyone, and he said just one guy. The worst part, he said, is that the guy who died was in the middle of a divorce. As he was out fighting, his wife decided to move out and in with another guy —— informing her husband of this in a letter. He never got a chance to go home, and was going through the divorce proceedings while he was at war. The soldier I sat next to, who was also married, got angrier and angrier as we talked. "She'll have to live with it the rest of her life," he said.

The sad part is, it's more common than not for a married women to stray when her military husband is gone on duty — it's so widespread that it has become a cliche. And it is unfortunate for the wives or girlfriends who don't cheat because they get lumped into that overwhelmingly true stereotype. I, myself, am dating a member of the military, but I like to think of myself as different from the norm. Cheating has never once crossed my mind, even when he is deployed for two months at a time.

I understand that it can get hard. The first time my BF went overseas, I had no idea what to expect. How was this relationship going to work with a two-month absence in-between? Of course, I found out it really isn't that bad. When he is deployed, there is access to e-mail and phones — so much so, that it barely seems like there is any break in communication. Sure, he's not there physically, but the relationship never suffered.

And no, he didn't go to Iraq, where deployments range anywhere from seven months to more than a year. And maybe that would have changed things, but I don't think it would. We aren't married, but I wouldn't be so disrespectful that I would run around on him while he was in a controlled environment with limitations to the outside world. What he, or any soldier, doesn't need is added stress —— especially from someone they trust to be loyal.

It's an odd situation, really. Especially with a war going on, what do these wives expect? It's known now that almost anyone who wears a uniform is going to be deployed for a certain length of time. It is hard for the husband to leave, and almost impossible to prepare for, but I wouldn't think that a quick fix is a one-nighter with a random. If it seems that it is going to be unbearable, deal with it with your guy before he goes. It may ease the pain, and maybe dull the itch to see what else is out there.

The military recognizes the problem and high divorce rate, and has programs to fix the cracks that appear in marriages thanks to deployment, but what else can be done? Why is cheating so rampant among military wives?