The waiting game
It's pretty much common knowledge among all women that sleeping with a guy on the first date will probably not lead to much more — a bit unfair, since the guy is usually dying to get the woman in bed — but that is just how it goes. Dinner, maybe a movie and straight into the bedroom is probably not going to lead to a lasting relationship.
But what exactly is the acceptable length of time for a woman (or a man, but the odds of the guy holding out are awfully slim) to wait before offering a guy (or girl) the green light? A week, a month?
One of my best friends had not one, but two serious relationships develop after sleeping together on the first night. It can happen, but it is definitely not the norm. Bottom line, guys like the chase more than they would probably like to admit. And girls like to have the power over the situation. Seeing just what he will offer — nice dinners, flowers, sweet e-mails — to finally "seal the deal."
In college or the early 20s, most guys and girls don't have serious relationships on the mind. Going out to bars until early in the a.m. and waking up next to someone new becomes the widely-accepted pattern. Why have a relationship when partying with friends and "meeting" new people is more fun? I knew a lot of people, and I was one of them, that liked the idea of having a boyfriend or girlfriend but it seemed too restrictive at the height of finally attaining a level of freedom. The catch with that thinking, however, is that you're not going to have someone wait around for a month before finally sleeping with you, they can go out the next night and find exactly what you aren't giving them.
But that changes once going out every night loses its appeal, and the whole idea of being free has lost its edge. Suddenly, the thought of knowing you have a date on a Friday night or someone to stay in with on a Saturday becomes a lot more comforting. And the idea of getting to know someone before sleeping with them seems like the perfect way to go — especially with all of the diseases out there.
At that point, however, most people have had one or a few partners, so sleeping with someone doesn't seem like that big of step. Even if it should be.
In my experiences, I have found that it's best to give a relationship a month or more, especially if the relationship seems promising. The bond is that much more strong at the point, and by then, you realize that you aren't just sleeping together to sleep together, you are (as cheesy as this may sound) deepening your relationship.
But like I said, one of my friends had a pair of relationships stem from one-night stands, so it is very possible. Has that ever happened to you? Or do you find waiting to be the way to go?
But what exactly is the acceptable length of time for a woman (or a man, but the odds of the guy holding out are awfully slim) to wait before offering a guy (or girl) the green light? A week, a month?
One of my best friends had not one, but two serious relationships develop after sleeping together on the first night. It can happen, but it is definitely not the norm. Bottom line, guys like the chase more than they would probably like to admit. And girls like to have the power over the situation. Seeing just what he will offer — nice dinners, flowers, sweet e-mails — to finally "seal the deal."
In college or the early 20s, most guys and girls don't have serious relationships on the mind. Going out to bars until early in the a.m. and waking up next to someone new becomes the widely-accepted pattern. Why have a relationship when partying with friends and "meeting" new people is more fun? I knew a lot of people, and I was one of them, that liked the idea of having a boyfriend or girlfriend but it seemed too restrictive at the height of finally attaining a level of freedom. The catch with that thinking, however, is that you're not going to have someone wait around for a month before finally sleeping with you, they can go out the next night and find exactly what you aren't giving them.
But that changes once going out every night loses its appeal, and the whole idea of being free has lost its edge. Suddenly, the thought of knowing you have a date on a Friday night or someone to stay in with on a Saturday becomes a lot more comforting. And the idea of getting to know someone before sleeping with them seems like the perfect way to go — especially with all of the diseases out there.
At that point, however, most people have had one or a few partners, so sleeping with someone doesn't seem like that big of step. Even if it should be.
In my experiences, I have found that it's best to give a relationship a month or more, especially if the relationship seems promising. The bond is that much more strong at the point, and by then, you realize that you aren't just sleeping together to sleep together, you are (as cheesy as this may sound) deepening your relationship.
But like I said, one of my friends had a pair of relationships stem from one-night stands, so it is very possible. Has that ever happened to you? Or do you find waiting to be the way to go?
posted by Anonymous at 1:27 PM
1 Comments:
I think waiting is the way to go. If a guy does not stay with you because you will not sleep with him, then he is NOT the person you want to be with anyway.
True story: I once went out on a date with this one guy who was friends with a guy my friend was dating. Before going on with him, his friend warned me that he was not a good guy and in my best interest I should be careful, but he seemed OK to me, so I went out with him anyway. We had a few drinks downtown and then went back to my place. (Note: We did not even have dinner.) All he wanted to do was have sex, and complained that I wasn't letting him do anything "fun." After all, he said, didn't he DESERVE something after taking me out. No way, jerk, and he was storming out my door still putting on his shirt. Like HE had a right to be mad.
ANYWAY: There are a million morals to that story, but I think it illustrates my point that if all the guy wants is sex, then he doesn't want you. And I certainly don't want him.
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