'Til death do us part
None of us want to imagine our (future) husband or wife dying before we do, but unless we both die in some Romeo and Juliet-type tragedy, it's a fact of life we're going to have to face.
Marriage vows dictate that we love and cherish each other "'til death do us part." But when death parts you, what's next?
Both of my grandmothers died within the last four or so years. And in that time, both of my grandfathers have gotten "lady" friends. One of my grandfathers has been with the same woman for more than a year, the other seems to enjoy dating around. (My mom told me, though, that her dad still goes to her mom's grave on a regular basis and tells her about the women he's seeing, assuring her that they're "just friends." My grandmother must be rolling over in her grave.)
I think it's great that my grandfathers are still able to enjoy their lives even though their wives are no longer around. Although I have never been in their situation, I bet it's incredibly hard to move on after being married to someone for more than 50 years, as both of them were. I know that I would feel a little guilty seeing someone new, like I was betraying my deceased spouse. But I think it is possible to move on without erasing another's memory.
What would you do? Would you remarry or date after losing a spouse? What if you died first, would you want your spouse to remarry or date?
Marriage vows dictate that we love and cherish each other "'til death do us part." But when death parts you, what's next?
Both of my grandmothers died within the last four or so years. And in that time, both of my grandfathers have gotten "lady" friends. One of my grandfathers has been with the same woman for more than a year, the other seems to enjoy dating around. (My mom told me, though, that her dad still goes to her mom's grave on a regular basis and tells her about the women he's seeing, assuring her that they're "just friends." My grandmother must be rolling over in her grave.)
I think it's great that my grandfathers are still able to enjoy their lives even though their wives are no longer around. Although I have never been in their situation, I bet it's incredibly hard to move on after being married to someone for more than 50 years, as both of them were. I know that I would feel a little guilty seeing someone new, like I was betraying my deceased spouse. But I think it is possible to move on without erasing another's memory.
What would you do? Would you remarry or date after losing a spouse? What if you died first, would you want your spouse to remarry or date?
posted by Anonymous at 10:00 AM
5 Comments:
Why should the surviving spouse have to be alone for the rest of his or her life? If I died, I would want my husband to find someone else to be with, and I would do the same if he died. I would hope that he would still think about me every now and then, but it is selfish to think that your spouse should never find happiness if you can't be there to share it.
When you're use to having companionship, it is a hard thing to just give up. Unless you can find that in your son, daughter, neighbor, brother, whoever... a new girlfriend/boyfriend might just be the best option. Although it might seem like someone is betraying their dead spouse, chances are it is something they discussed before.
I've found that men need/look for companionship sooner when there wife dies. It's like they need that nurturing, looking after me type of thing. Women on the other hand tend to not rush into another relationship as fast. (of which I belong to that club going on 5 yrs now.) I'm not looking for another husband, but if I find romance again,that's ok too.
I definitely agree with Anon, in that guys find companionship faster than women, or it would seem so in this case.
I definitely think it depends on what the relationship was. If you believe you had the perfect marriage, I would think it would be hard to move on from that.
My grandmother always used to say that when a man loses his wife, it's like getting one's finger caught in the door: First it hurts so bad that he thinks he just can't take it. But then, this kind of pain subsides as quickly as he will recover. Knowing a few elderly men in my neighborhood I've learned that this holds to be true: all of them kept "lady friends" within a year ;)
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