She's just not that into him
I have a friend who is casually dating this one guy. Things were going pretty good, and she was happy. Then, she met this other guy. He piques her interest a bit more than the first guy, and she'd like to start dating him.
Now, dating two people at once is not illegal. You could date five, 10 or 20 guys all at once, and it would be OK as long as you didn't commit yourself to one of them in particular. But the problem is this: how does she ease up on seeing guy No. 1 when she really wants to be seeing guy No. 2?
My initial solution for her was to just be "busy" every time guy No. 1 asks her to do something. Eventually, if he's smart, he'll just figure it. My idea was shot down, though, because my friend added that she worked with guy No. 1, and she didn't want things to be weird at work. Because of the work thing, she also doesn't want to just string guy No. 1 along and, as a result, be perceived as a player.
So what's the best, most gentle way to let guy No. 1 down while preserving the professional relationship they'll have at work? Have any of you ever been in this situation? Is it possible for things to go back to the way they were at work?
Now, dating two people at once is not illegal. You could date five, 10 or 20 guys all at once, and it would be OK as long as you didn't commit yourself to one of them in particular. But the problem is this: how does she ease up on seeing guy No. 1 when she really wants to be seeing guy No. 2?
My initial solution for her was to just be "busy" every time guy No. 1 asks her to do something. Eventually, if he's smart, he'll just figure it. My idea was shot down, though, because my friend added that she worked with guy No. 1, and she didn't want things to be weird at work. Because of the work thing, she also doesn't want to just string guy No. 1 along and, as a result, be perceived as a player.
So what's the best, most gentle way to let guy No. 1 down while preserving the professional relationship they'll have at work? Have any of you ever been in this situation? Is it possible for things to go back to the way they were at work?
posted by Anonymous at 11:37 AM
7 Comments:
But what if I actually want to date both?!
Can I have the spare one?
Sorry, dear friend, for misunderstanding the dilemma. I don't have any answers for you there either. :(
Well, I would not get rid of #1 until I know for a fact I am really into #2 and he feels the same about me. Then once you establish that #2 is the 'one' then do the only decent thing. Be trueful with #1 in saying..."I have had a great past week/month/whatever however right now, I do not feel we are right for one another. I hope to continue our great work relationship together, and who knows what the future will hold". (lets just hope #2 does not work in the same office)
If you think that you actually want to date both, perhaps you're not really that into either of them...
I think she should just date one at a time. In a dating relationship, we should always be honest and respectful to the person we are dating. If you date one, but thinking about another one and cannot tell both that you are dating both, for me this is dishonesty and disrespectful. I think from how people date or court, you can tell how good their marriage will be if they eventaully get married. You can predict how they will treat their spouse in a marriage.
Maybe she can get rid of #1 by saying that she thinks working together has made the situation far too complicated?
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