Commitment-phobes

A dear friend of mine is afraid of commitment. Not entirely uncommon because many people have a hard time making the transition from single to relationship, but this person is extra special when it comes to relationships. Predictable, even. My friend will meet someone that is truly interesting, they may have a bond and it will go well for say, three months.

Seriously, a clock needs to be started because it's all of three months. And then when it apears that the relationship may be headed for something serious, my friend is out the door. No real reasons, except, perhaps the "clingy" excuse or the "moving at different speeds" excuse. Nothing that can't really be cured with a good sitdown talk and coming to some understanding.

But instead of having a talk about slowing the relationship down or perhaps explaining why my friend gets to feeling that way, the relationship just ends. Clean and simple...no problems, really. Except for the other person who is wondering what exactly just happened and why? With no talk, there are no answers.

There's no real explanation for the commitment-phobe, except, of course, that this person got incredibly hurt in the past and is now excessively cautious. But aren't we set up to get hurt and bounce back and try again? Isn't that what this whole relationship deal is all about? I am always confused as to why someone who hates commitment than repeatedly tried to find a significant other...if you don't want to get serious with someone, why date in the first place? It's just one big confusing drama — want to have companionship, but not a relationship. One doesn't happen without the other.

Have you ever dealt with or gotten into a relationship with a commitment-phobe? Or are you one yourself? What's going on there?