Commitment-phobes

A dear friend of mine is afraid of commitment. Not entirely uncommon because many people have a hard time making the transition from single to relationship, but this person is extra special when it comes to relationships. Predictable, even. My friend will meet someone that is truly interesting, they may have a bond and it will go well for say, three months.

Seriously, a clock needs to be started because it's all of three months. And then when it apears that the relationship may be headed for something serious, my friend is out the door. No real reasons, except, perhaps the "clingy" excuse or the "moving at different speeds" excuse. Nothing that can't really be cured with a good sitdown talk and coming to some understanding.

But instead of having a talk about slowing the relationship down or perhaps explaining why my friend gets to feeling that way, the relationship just ends. Clean and simple...no problems, really. Except for the other person who is wondering what exactly just happened and why? With no talk, there are no answers.

There's no real explanation for the commitment-phobe, except, of course, that this person got incredibly hurt in the past and is now excessively cautious. But aren't we set up to get hurt and bounce back and try again? Isn't that what this whole relationship deal is all about? I am always confused as to why someone who hates commitment than repeatedly tried to find a significant other...if you don't want to get serious with someone, why date in the first place? It's just one big confusing drama — want to have companionship, but not a relationship. One doesn't happen without the other.

Have you ever dealt with or gotten into a relationship with a commitment-phobe? Or are you one yourself? What's going on there?

She's just not that into him

I have a friend who is casually dating this one guy. Things were going pretty good, and she was happy. Then, she met this other guy. He piques her interest a bit more than the first guy, and she'd like to start dating him.

Now, dating two people at once is not illegal. You could date five, 10 or 20 guys all at once, and it would be OK as long as you didn't commit yourself to one of them in particular. But the problem is this: how does she ease up on seeing guy No. 1 when she really wants to be seeing guy No. 2?

My initial solution for her was to just be "busy" every time guy No. 1 asks her to do something. Eventually, if he's smart, he'll just figure it. My idea was shot down, though, because my friend added that she worked with guy No. 1, and she didn't want things to be weird at work. Because of the work thing, she also doesn't want to just string guy No. 1 along and, as a result, be perceived as a player.

So what's the best, most gentle way to let guy No. 1 down while preserving the professional relationship they'll have at work? Have any of you ever been in this situation? Is it possible for things to go back to the way they were at work?

Mom's romance rules to live by

There are a ridiculous amount of magazine articles and web sites dedicated to outlining important rules for men and women to live by when it comes to romance and relationships. In my experience, however, I have always found that it is best to make up rules that work for you and the relationship you are in or the relationship you want to be in. And of course, it does't hurt to listen to a little advice you hear along the way.

For me, my mom has come up with some good ones along the way, and I take note of them because my parent's had a terrific bond and an even better marriage. I think they were the exception to the rule that says couples that don't fight have a passionless relationship. My parents always seemed to enjoy being together, and I can only remember them fighting once — and the argument was quickly replaced with laughter.

The first rule I learned from my mom was to find someone that "you can laugh with." It seems so simple, but I think laughter and enjoying each other is definitely important. It's probably why I look for someone with a sense of humor and who I can have a good time with. My boyfriend makes me laugh more than anyone else (and he knows this!), and it's one of the reasons I think our relationship has stayed strong even through some of our bad times.

My mom also told my sister and I at a young age that if a man ever cheats on us or beats us, we are to leave the relationship immediately. I think I was around 10 when she told me that, and it sticks out even now. I definitely wouldn't put up with either of those situations.

I could go on, but I would like to hear from you. Has your mom or dad, or grandma ever passed down relationship advice that you deem important today?

Weepy men

Roxy pointed out last week that men just can't seem to stand seeing women cry. But can we bear to see men cry?

Traditionally, men always have been perceived as the stronger sex. They were raised to be tough, show no emotion and never, under any circumstance, cry. Crying was a sign of weakness. Crying was, for lack of a better word, girly.

I sense a new generation of men are upon us, though. Back in college, my friend and I were talking about how our then-boyfriends sure liked sharing their emotions. They often got teary and passionate when talking about their — gasp! — feelings. It was almost to a point where it made us, the "emotional females," uncomfortable to be around them.

Although we women have bemoaned for ages that men don't talk about their feelings with us, I'm not sure we're ready to handle it. Can we stand to see our man cry over a bad day, disappointment or loss? Men have come to accept this from women, but I don't think we've been able to accept this from men. We want someone who will stay strong for us -- someone who is our rock to lean on, and, for the most part, a whimpering man just won't cut it.

For me, seeing as how I'm often prone to tears myself, I can't help but allow some teary eyes on my own man's side. Emotions shouldn't be bottled up, but they don't need to flow like waterfalls either.

Ladies, what do you think about men who cry? Would you date a man who cried, or would you trade him in for someone who never shed a tear? Men, do you ever feel crying is necessary. Do you think women are intolerant of men crying?

Most romantic cities?

I was perusing the internet this afternoon, looking around for lists (because this blog loves lists!!) about the most romantic cities in America, and I was very disappointed in what I found. Almost every single site listed the same cities over and over again, mainly San Francisco and New York. I mean, hello, obvious?

I want to know those little, small towns that define the word cozy...not the crazy streets of New York City (which I'm sure is wonderful, but if I want a weekend away with the BF, I want it away from the hustle and bustle and $15 Burgers!!). I can't say anything bad about San Fran, because that truly is a wonderful city, and I can see the romantic side of it.

Other big cities I love and places I wouldn't mind sharing a little getaway? Boston, for one. It definitely does not have that large city feel, and instead is swept up in history. I also love Chicago, and the plus is that there are little towns along Lake Michigan and are just a train ride away. Orlando, if only for Disney World. Cliche, I know, but I have been there twice this year and I can see how it would be a great place for couples!

But I would think small, quaint places would be best for a weekend getaway. In Georgia, that obvious spot is Savannah — which is truly fantastic, but the mountaIns of North Georgia definitely can't be overlooked! South Carolina has Charleston (a place both my BF and I are jonesing to see) and Beaufort (we discovered this gem while taking a ride on his motorcycle one sunny afternoon).

I can't wait to go to Wilmington and the Outer Banks of North Carolina (and am working on convincing the BF that we must take a weekend trip there this summer!) But I really like Chapel Hill, and nothing beats the mountains in North Carolina — so pretty, and plenty of cabin space!

Of course these are just places in the immediate area, and I know many places up North that would serve as a perfect getaway. Are there any great places you would suggest visiting with your significant other? And what spots should be avoided at all costs??