Where to go?

Ok, folks, the weekend is upon us. And what will you be doing, specifically if you are taking a date out for the first time, or if you are just trying something new with your significant other.

The thing I have found to be true is that it is easy to get bored in the town you live in, with the idea that you have tried or done everything there is to do. Of course, right now in Macon, the fair is going on and Bragg Jam will dominate on Saturday. But what do you do when those events aren't taking place?

My new favorite place is Cox Capital Theatre. The idea has always been a favorite of mine (in my hometown, there is something similar at a bar in which they show movies and call it a "Brew and View.") I think that would be such a fun place to take a date (and, in fact, my BF and I have gone there).

But once you are in a relationship it is easy to stay at home and watch TV or a movie rather than come up with new places to go. The movies have been ruined on Friday and Saturday nights by the high school crowd that has yet to grasp the idea of watching, and not talking through, a movie. A couple bars are ruled out because noise levels make it impossible to enjoy the music and conversation at the same time. So what is one to do?

Specifically. what are your favorite date spots, and why?

"When Harry met Sally" gave the wrong idea

Earlier this week, we discussed being stuck in the "friend zone."

But what happens when all you want to do is be friends with your male or female buddy, and their significant other doesn't quite understand that? Does it go back to the idea most famously introduced by the movie, "When Harry met Sally," that men and women can't be friends?

One of my boyfriend's good friends has, over the past few months, become a really good friend of mine as well. We have a lot in common as far as where we were raised and things we like to do, and we hit it off instantly ... as friends.

The nice thing about my boyfriend is that he isn't the jealous type, so he never minded if I went to the bar with his friend and he couldn't go. I wanted to go out, my friend did as well, or for whatever reason, my boyfriend couldn't. No big deal, we would meet up later.

My friend's girlfriend, on the other hand, wasn't so understanding. In fact, she even went as far to accuse him of cheating on her with me. (I mean, hello, I was dating one of his best friends, whom I would never cheat on. Think about it.) But it got to the point that she was out of town one weekend, and completely freaked out. I was going up to Atlanta to visit my old college roommate, my friend tagged along, despite warnings from his girlfriend that she would break up with him if he did, and when we got back, their relationship was over.

Obviously, it all boils down to trust, and apparently it wasn't all there for them. I don't think hanging out with him was an innappropriate action, because I knew that it was all completely innocent. But is it wrong for a guy and girl, both in relationships, to be friends and hang out as friends? Or is it a case where the significant other should just calm down a bit?

The art of breaking up

There is one thing in life that solves all problems (especially those dealing with boys): birthday cake remix ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery.

In college, when my best friend came into my room upset that she had broken up with her boyfriend, the first thing I suggested was to rally up the rest of the girls, get in the car and head to Cold Stone. There we ordered a quart of the usual: birthday cake ice cream, mixed with chocolate sauce, a brownie and sprinkles. Over the ice cream we sat and over-analyzed every situation in her relationship, every word in the break up and talked about how to move on.

Of course, ice cream doesn't solve everything. Someone is always left with a broken heart and wondering what went wrong. From my own experiences and from observing my friends, though, I've noticed that there are some things to do that can help keep you on the right side of sane.

First, if you are the one doing the breaking up, tell you significant other in person. The only exception is if you live in different countries and you NEVER see each other, which may have been a contributing factor to the break up anyway. Breaking up with someone over phone, e-mail, IM or MySpace is disrespectful to the other person. It also doesn't give the person being broken up with a chance to ask questions about the decision.

Second, if you are the one who is being broken up with, don't be afraid to cry, yell or break something (not expensive). If you're angry, get it out. But once you do that, try your best to go into happy mode and surround yourself with people who love and care about you.

Third, people on either side of the break up should not promise something they cannot deliver. Don't promise to be friends with a person if there's no chance that you're ever going to talk to him or her again. It only hurts worse when friendly calls go unreturned.

Now, I'm by no means a break up expert. What are some tips you have for people going through a break up? What do you do to make yourself feel better? What are some things NOT to say when breaking up?

The unspoken rule

It's an unspoken rule between women and girls alike. You don't go for a guy that has a girlfriend or wife. You just don't do it.

And you especially don't do it if the man you have your eyes on is currently or was previously with one of your friends.

That is the ultimate betrayal.

So, imagine my horror on Saturday night as I sat listening to a friend of my boyfriend, who is on her way moving from Utah to Florida, telling me about how her best friend since high school, or for 15 years, swooped in and stole her ex-husband right as they were about to get back together. It was horrifying.

To make matters worse, the friend was in Korea on duty for the Air Force at the time, and her ex-husband had finally convinced her to give the relationship another shot. A week later, he was confessing that he had visited the other girl, hooked up with her, and decided he wanted to be in a relationship with her instead.

And the whole time, the other woman said nothing to her supposed best friend. No e-mails, no letters.

This isn't the first time I have heard this story. One of my best friends from college had the same thing happen to her. While she was study abroad, her "confidant" started dating her ex-boyfriend, and then was shocked when my friend wouldn't talk to her.

Obviously, the men aren't exactly innocent, but what makes a woman go after a friend's current BF or an ex? What's the appeal to having a relationship with someone that may or may not last, at the price of a friendship that has been more meaningful.

Since the age when guys and girls start getting into relationships, you learn that you aren't supposed to put that relationship before your friends — ever. Because if the relationship doesn't work out, you need those friends to help you through the bad times. While it's easy to get lost in a relationship and be completely caught up in it, eventually you have to pull back and find a happy medium between balancing friends and your relationship.

Bottom line, how great is a relationship when you have to admit to other people that you lost a friend to get it? Girls, has this happened to you or have you done the stealing? And guys, what is the appeal of hooking up with an ex's friend?

Stuck in the "Friend Zone"

One of my guilty pleasures is watching cheesy teen movies, usually starring Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan or Freddie Prinze Jr. Watching hour-and-a-half movies that always have a happy ending always puts me in a good mood and allows me ample time to fantasize about the ideal boy (Shane West). Sunday night my indulgence of choice was "Just Friends." The title pretty much says it all, but for those who haven't seen it (and I'm pretty sure that's most of you), here's a brief synopsis.

Chris, an overweight dweeb, (Ryan Reynolds) has been in love with Jamie, Ms. Popular, (Amy Smart) since high school. Unfortunately, he is stuck in what he calls "the friend zone" -- a horrible place where Jamie thinks of him only in platonic terms. Before graduation, Chris writes in Jamie's yearbook that he wants to be her boyfriend, only to learn that she loves him too but only as a brother. Ten years later Chris comes back home with a fancy job and hot new body and tries to successfully win Jamie's heart while escaping the friend zone.

In the end, Chris gets the girl, but I know that's not always the case. In the past, I've been stuck in the friend zone myself, and it did not turn out nearly as good for me as it did for Chris. Crossing that line between being friends and more than just friends can be a tricky situation. You always run the risk that the other person does not like you back, and there's the potential to ruin the friendship forever.

Have any of you been in the friend zone? Is it really possible to get out of the friend zone once you're there? If you like your friend, should you tell him/her? What happens once friends get in a relationship? Does it work out?

Chivalry lives

Yesterday morning I was listening to the radio, and the DJ was commenting on how shocked he was about something he had recently witnessed. A young man and woman were leaving a restaurant, and the man (GASP!) opened the car door for the woman.

Maybe it's just me, but I hardly found that shocking. We've all heard the phrase "chivalry is dead," but I simply do not believe that is true. Many guys are chivalrous; some just display it in subtle ways. Some may do it by opening a car door, and others may show it by letting their date order first or walking on the outside of the sidewalk so that the woman is away from traffic. And I do know guys who adhere to these principles.

To me, what it boils down to is being polite. Listen when someone is talking. Don't let a door smack someone on his or her way out. Offer to help carry big, heavy bags. Again, plenty of men do this.

What do you think? Are you shocked when you see a guy opening a door for a girl? Does chivalry matter at all, or should we just give up on it altogether? Men: Do you like doing these things for women or does it just annoy you? Women: Do you like it when men do these things for you?

Is Revenge the Best Therapy?

I'm not ashamed to admit this — I am a huge Dr. Phil fan.

Okay. Stop laughing now.

I only say this because I was watching the other day, and the founder of the Web site "dontdatehimgirl.com" was on there, as well as a gentlemen that was suing her for the content on her site.

The background of the site is that it gives jilted women the opportunity to go on there, and post whatever they want about the lying, cheating scumbag that used to be the love of their life. The premise just sounds bad and and the site lives up to that first impression.

It also makes me wonder, is revenge really that sweet?

I've never been one to try and do horrible things to someone who has done me wrong, particularly in the boyfriend field. As cliche as it sounds, being happy and living well without the ex-boyfriend is pretty much the best revenge I can come up with. I'd rather be the girl that got away rather than that psycho that should seriously be examined.

But that's just me.

And it is not a thought shared by a lot of women, some of whom are my closest friends. Sometimes, in their mind, they are trying to hurt the person as badly as they hurt — to try, in vain, to make him, or her, understand the extent of their pain. But I'm not quite convinced it always works out that way.

Most of the revenge cases I have heard may have provided a quick feel-good feeling, but it didn't get rid of the sadness, anger and confusion that really, only time can take care of. Getting revenge only extends the moving on process, and then, not only are you left with the pain of a failed relationship, but the memory of your out-of-body moment of craziness. I fail to see the pay-off.

But maybe I haven't heard all the cases for getting revenge. Do you have a revenge story that still makes you smile? Or have you found out that getting revenge doesn't really live up to expectations?

Master of the kitchen ... or not.

I've never been a good cook.

Microwaving, packaged meals and sandwiches are my specialty and recipes with more than four ingredients in them scare me. More than once I've had to wave a dish rag in front of the smoke detector to make it stop beeping, and I once had a fire while I was baby-sitting (who knew you couldn't put a paper towel in a toaster oven?).

I know Roxy's no stranger to fires either. She told me a story once about how she put a frozen pizza in the oven with the cardboard that came with it. To no one's surprise (except maybe her's and possibly mine) a fire ensued. Also to no one's surprise, the boys she was with ate it. Silly boys.

Anyway. That being said, I've only cooked dinner for my boyfriend twice , and one of those times was a joint effort. If the way to a man's heart is truly through his stomach, then I must be failing.

The next time he comes into town, though, I would like to cook something without having to call it "Cajun-style" when I'm through. Do you have any simple recipes that you've made and had success with on dates? Do you and your significant other generally cook meals or go out? Do you like it when your boyfriend or girlfriend cooks for you? Are good cooking skills important in a mate?

What do men know?

As women, we always are trying to uncover what the opposite sex thinks, how to interact with them, and just generally try to figure them out completely.

Predictably, we usually fail miserably in our journeys to the mystical land that is understanding men. And although every women's magazine out there tries to help guide the way, it's always just a little bit off mark. So, short of having a gay male friend (who are seriously a huge commodity, they tell you what guys are thinking all the while telling you to change your shoes), it helps having a male's perspective at your fingertips.

And so, I give you: www.askmen.com. (Which is safe for work, if anyone is worried!)

While there are a few irrelevant topics (unless, of course, you want to know what are the beauty pageants of the week), it's actually kind of interesting. Among other links there is a dating and love section with opinions from both men and women on a wide range of topics.

So if you're still confused on why a guy is not calling after a second date or how to land a first date, this may be a worthwhile site to check out!

And as always, if you, the reader, has any good site, let us all in on the secret!

What's in a name?

Every girl has a "List." It's the detailed description that has been compiled since pre-teen years, and defines exactly what we are looking for in a mate. Usually at the top is the easy part, the physical attributes such as height, weight, eyes, smile, and whether or not body art is acceptable on the person we want to spend the rest of our life with.

(Personally, a tattoo here or there is fine with me — but I draw the line at full-body coverage. I include piercings in this category as well. Ears are fine, but anywhere else, no thanks. I don't think I could ever look at a guy with nipple rings as a potential husband.)

But as the list grows, it gets a little bit more personal. Lessons learned from previous relationships about what you will and will not put up with finds its way in there, habits of other people that if you had to live with forever might lead to a never-ending meeting between your head the wall and other preferences that your friends might find crazy, but make perfect sense to you.

I've never really written down my list, but it's there in my brain, and this weekend, there was a new addition.

I had gone up to Atlanta to visit one of my best friends, and former roommate, from college. And in the midst of catching up, she told me about a guy she had met that graduated from the same school we did. He was cute, according to her, and funny and had all the makings of being quality date material.

That is, until, he told her his name. And while I'm not sure it appropriate to put it on here, let's just say it is a not-so-nice way of saying "Lesbian." I wish, for the sake of that poor boy, that I was joking.

Right after she told me, I immediately decided, and made a mental note, that I could never date someone with a bad name. My friend's boy now ranks at the top of the list, but I began considering a few others. I don't think I would have a lot of fun with a Harold, and although a good friend of the family is named Ralph, it just reminds me of the aftermath of a long night of drinking.

To me, Dirk will never be anything more than a porn name thanks to Boogie Nights, Fabian garners automatic laughter and don't get me started on Randy. (A friend of mine actually dated a guy named Randy, and although he was awful in other respects, I couldn't help asking her if his name bothered her even in the least. I mean, come on!)

To be honest, the list goes on, but I am interested in hearing from you. What do you think? Does a bad name get in the way? And, if so, what "bad name" is your deal-breaker?

Start Macon Love...

...No, not that way. Get your mind out of the gutter! (For now, anyway!)

Welcome to the first "official" dating blog of Middle Georgia. To be clear, this blog is not run by love experts, we're just two every day women trying to find the man of our dreams, all the while making the same mistakes everyone else does.

This blog isn't just about us — it's also about you. We want this to be a community where people can come together and discuss all the blunders and also the triumphs of the dating world. We'll also cover important issues regarding sexual awareness and health, places to go on dates, breaking up, making up, and anything else you want to talk about.

Don't be afraid to comment because your feedback is important to us, and we want to know what is important in your life as well. We welcome anonymous posters! The comments won't be edited, but they will be screened for language, so please no cursing! And P.S. Men, we want your opinion as well, especially if you think we are wrong!

Macon it into a bedroom near you! : )
—
Rose and Roxy